Max is NOW!

And this is the instance where youth is transformed into hopeful maturity.

I think I owe it to myself and any transient readers to explain something.
And I’m going to try and explain this without getting all metablog or metamax on myself.

The Synthetical Self
More than one person has commented on the extremes at which my writing operates here. Some have told me it is too depressing, too reactionary, too emotional. I think here the problem is not my writing or it’s content or even me. The problem is the understanding of the reader. OF course, I blame a lot of things on readers. I blame the philosophical misconceptions of most canonized philosophers on the reader, I even blame the idea of absolutism and universality on the readers. I’ve never been sure if what Plato writes is what Plato thinks is the last word. It actually makes little sense to me for an author to write what the final word of Truth is. So here I go into explaining myself and my writing.
Many people know me as a rather social individual. They know me as hopeful, and sarcastic, and generally well minus the less recent problems I have dealt with concerning anxiety. But, those who read my writing see this dark, sometimes disturbed, and very upset individual.
The truth is that Max, the “real” Max, is somewhere between those two. When I write about my upsetting experience going out at night, and how unattractive I see myself, and how desolate the world seems, that isn’t Max being Max. That is an aspect of the synthesis that is Max. Yes, I do see the world as depressing and dark, but I also see it as hopeful and alive. My writing is a locust of emotional experience, mostly negative but occasionally positive. Why is this? Well, the dark days are therapeutically dealt with in writing, the good days are better left being simply lived.

I blog when I am upset so that I can understand it myself. I do not blog in my happiness because I want to live it rather than commodify it.

So the point is, my blog isn’t me. It is just a part of me. It is a part of my life and a part of who I am, not the sum total.

Some times I am horribly depressed and darkened.

Some times I am ridiculously happy and hopeful.

The times are for me to navigate and reflect. The reader is the one who bares the responsibility to understand that I am more than the words I write. They must trust me, and must not make me feel bad for my darkness.
We don’t live on the light side of life, we live between both sides. We transverse the entire spectrum in order to be better people. We live in the dregs and in the heights.

We are the synthesis.
We are the life.

And so I do not modify what I write about. I do not alter my emotional flow. I let it come like the flood that it is, and afterwards I reflect on myself.

I am not what I write, I am more…much much more.