Dear Coca-cola,

Seriously, what the shit? I mean, I’ve seen you take some risks, but nothing too nuts. Nothing like your competition, for the few who can remember Crystal Pepsi (bleeh). You’re classic, just like your name states. Even New Coke was withdrawn when you realized what an atrocity it was. You don’t need to “update” and be cool, you just need to be yourself. We have room in our lives for the adorable, good-natured old man; we don’t need the self-conscious, wannabe 30-something (ahemPEPSIahem).

So what’s the deal? Did the Starburst and Skittles talk you into this? Or maybe, I guess maybe this is just the creepy, pedophile-esque side to the adorable old man named Coke.

Either way, it gives me the willies….and a couple laughs. Just don’t get too nuts. It’s ok to show your Henson-love on occasion; just don’t start wearing skinny-fit corduroy, a feathered fedora, and talking about the newest Neo-Balken hooks.

And don’t forget Coca-Cola, you’re my first love….minus the occasional romps with RC.